Man Talk: The obsessed drama queen

Ladies, if you have ever dated a guy, and everything appeared perfect at the beginning then slowly we downhill after that. He lost interest in the relationship, stopped making time for you, and seems to prioritise other things. Well, sweetheart, fasten your seatbelt coz you and I need to have a chat.

Most men enjoy being in a relationship with the woman they love until she turns into an insecure, overprotective and overly attached detective. Questioning his every move. Analysing every word he says. Tracking his whereabouts. Bombarding him every second with the ukowapi? Unafanya nini? and the ukonanani? Federal-bureau-of-investigations-like ‘conversations’.

I know the easy justification of such behaviour is always that men by nature are cheaters, and hence a woman needs to put a leash on them. However, I will ask: If sincerely you can’t trust your man, then I don’t see any reason why you are with him in the first place.

Relationships are built on trust, tolerance, maturity and understanding. If either of these key essential ingredients is missing, you are better off being single.

There’s a certain kind of confidence, inner peace and contentment that a man gains when he knows his woman trusts him. Nothing kills a man’s confidence and commitment in a relationship than a woman who always treats her man like he’s a murder suspect.

Nothing turns off a man like an overly attached woman. If your man tells you he’s meeting up with the boys to watch football, the least you can do is simply trust him. You don’t have to tag along unless of course you are graciously invited. Furthermore, you don’t have to become the new sheriff in town – tracking his moves, sniffing for evidence on his phone, analysing his body language and so on. Has it ever occurred to you that probably being overly attached, insecure and overprotective has in a way already pushed him away from you?

No man needs unnecessary drama in a relationship. I mean, for what it is worth we already have enough drama with our favourite football teams being thrashed week after week in the English Premier League. No man enjoys dating an overly attached woman and a stalker. Give your man some space, and watch him blossom.

Yes, it’s true you are in a relationship – but it doesn’t mean that he has to constantly report to you like he’s a 3-year-old who needs to be reminded to wipe his nose. You don’t have to constantly nag him about anything and everything. Don’t act God – expecting a man to always kneel before you, worship you as he constantly confesses his sins to you.

Understand that men aren’t wired to speak 27,000 words in a minute. Take the time to understand your man – his moods, his likes, his dislikes.

If he isn’t in the mood of talking or listening to your Season 6, Episode 17 of a cousin to your girlfriend’s best friend’s friend – don’t degenerate into teenage tantrums.

And no, it doesn’t mean that he’s cheating on you. It simply means that today he isn’t just in the mood of listening to you talk for two hours about stuff and people he sincerely doesn’t give a hoot about.

So, sweetheart, relax. Take it easy. Breathe-i-i-n-n-n, breath o-o-u-t-t. Relationships were meant to be fun, not a long series of endurance and tolerance. Don’t drag your insecurities and experiences from your past relationships into your current. If the first nigga cheated on you – get over it and move on – for it doesn’t mean all men are dogs.

And if you genuinely believe that all men are dogs, then for the peace of the world and the sanity of the future generation, please I beg you oooh my sisto! stop screwing around with ‘dogs’.

In fact, how about you just check into a Convent and dedicate your earthly life in the service and glory of the God. For crying out loud, I am sure the world is so tired with yet another episode of a poor soul constantly bashing ‘all’ men for the sins of a few crazy brothers

Have you been Corrupt today?

I must have read at least 50 essays on anti-corruption in the past few weeks. Looking back, I realize that all of them are critiques of the system, officials, and the use of public power. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with this, because the source of corruption must be power. 

However, if all corruption cases are attributed to the system, the use of power and officials, does that mean that we can relax and ignore our own responsibilities? Can we forgive or even find excuses for our role in corruption?
As a whole, the problem of corruption is caused by ‘them,’ not by ‘us.’ But does that mean that we are completely innocent? 
Today, I’d like to talk not about ‘their’ problems but about our problems — our own corruption problems. First of all, I’d like to know: have you done something corrupt today? On average, how often do you cooperate in the corrupt acts of those with a little power?  Don’t answer too quickly.
Let's digest that as we aim to flip the coin and do a self-appraisal!!

The current administration has devoted a lot effort to fighting corruption. I believe that we can move from curing the symptoms to treating the disease. Eventually swatting “flies” and beating “tigers” will develop into an anti-corruption system. It’s been said recently that future anti-corruption campaigns will not only arrest those who accept bribes, but will also detain the bribers. Really, if no one offers bribes, how could anyone accept bribes? However, long-term corruption has nurtured a deep culture of corruption, a sense of “custom” and “habit.” Corruption can’t be eliminated through an “anti-corruption storm” and an overnight reform of the system. Getting rid of corruption will rely on raising the quality of the citizens and awakening public awareness.
When we blindly complain about, criticize, and curse the corruption of the system and of officials, why don’t we search our own conscience and examine our own responsibilities and duties? Yes, we are the powerless; of course we don’t have the power to be corrupt. But even the powerless have a sort of power. We have the power not to bow and scape to those who hold the official seals. We have the power to say NO to those judges who accept bribes and issue unjust rulings. We have the power to fight to the end against corrupt officials, to report and expose them. If we start with ourselves, and resist the “corruption” that comes from within or beside us, then the corrupt “fleas” will have no place to hide, and the corrupt “tigers” will become true paper tigers.
Have you been corrupt today? Tomorrow, will you silently accept, permit, or cooperate in others’ corruption? When will you be ready to fight corruption?

The dilemma of campus pregnancy!

Pregnancy is the most beautiful thing that a woman can experience. It marks the transition from being merely a woman to the elevated status of becoming a mother; a giver of life. The respect and kindness accorded to pregnant women shows just how much society values expectant women.However, the same cannot be said for women who get pregnant out of wedlock. This is viewed as a taboo in almost all African communities and the children born in such a manner are made to suffer the consequences of their parents’ lust by being referred to as “bastards”.Unplanned pregnancies are coldly received as they are often associated with promiscuity and immoral behavior especially on the girl’s part.  Ladies are thus encouraged to maintain their virgin status until the time that they walk down the aisle.Circumstances have changed over the years. Young men and women are being exposed to sexual intercourse way early in life, with some debuting into the world of intimacy from as early as fourteen years.  This is risky as most of them are not aware how to protect themselves with some being ignorant or totally unaware of the dangers.The thrill of partaking in the forbidden fruit reaches its prime in campus mostly because young people now feel that they have attained the legal age and can do whatever they wish with their lives. One would think that campus students would be wise enough to use protection as they are more knowledgeable especially with regards to the effects of unprotected intercourse.  Sadly, this is not the case as most Campuserians seem to be living with the “living young and wild and free” mentality.During drunken nights, a lot happens and in the heat of the moment, using protection becomes the last thing on one’s mind. Innocent freshmen are also lured into hitting it ‘raw’ as they  innocent and may be too shy or weak to resist such approaches from older boyfriends. Others are convinced by their steady boyfriends into engaging in unprotected sex so that they can prove their trust and faithfulness; furthermore, these boyfriends posit that the morning after pill or the all popular e-pill will always work.However, things do not always works out as expected and the jitters begin showing once the periods delay. The lady is in panic mode and the only thing they can do is go for a pregnancy test with fingers crossed just to get some peace of mind. A confirmation of the fears is received first of all in shock and disbelief which later develops into depression.One begins wondering how they will break the news to their parents and most of all to their boyfriends if at all they are lucky enough to know the person responsible for the pregnancy. Fully aware of the shame and stigma that they will be forced to undergo once their parents and relatives become aware of the news, most ladies collude with their all too willing boyfriends to procure abortions.  The abortions are undertaken in secret with financial aid from friends. Although most of these young ladies are aware of the dangers of abortion, they would rather suffer the pain than deal with the humiliation.Despite this sad realization, there are some ladies who are courageous enough to face their parents. The lucky ones who get support from their parents have it a bit smoothly but the stigma is still there.Coping with pregnancy and studies can be very difficult. The cold stares and harsh words from classmates and the transition from becoming a young campus girl with the world ahead of her to becoming someone’s mother can be unbearable at times. Ladies who choose the harder path should be applauded and supported by all means. Pro-Life clubs and counseling institutions in most campuses across the country are seen as a shelter in the turbulent storm.Getting pregnant is no alien thing; it could happen to any lady. One needs to be extremely careful so as not to accelerate their debut into motherhood. There is time for everything. In as much as abstinence is a unicorn in this age and time, remember to always use protection. Some things are just not worth the pain and stigma.

Wrong degree for your dream career?

How to pursue your dream career with a wrong degree
“I studied teaching because my family has a long line of teachers."
“I wish I could go back to university and study something else, I really hate this job.”
“My dad filled my university papers.”
This list is endless. A list full of regrets from graduates who go through the motions of life and career halfheartedly because of that one course they studied but had no passion for. Some graduate and get stuck while others get jobs and pay taxes wishing there was an alternative. What they don’t understand is that there really is an alternative, if they looked close enough.
It could have been as a result of how our school system is structured or financial situations at the time of choosing one’s course to study. Nevertheless, here are ways that one can turn that around their not so interesting degree and use it enjoy doing what they love.
Make use of transferable skills
These are the skills that are not tied to a single career but they can be applied across the board. For example, if you majored in ornithology (big word, look it up), yet your passion is in marketing, you could use the skills acquired during data gathering to pursue a marketing career.
The analytical skills and presentation skills can be applied in a vast range of careers.
Combine Passion and Career through experience
It is an open secret in the job market that experience can beat even the best of degrees. Let us say you have a background in nursing and yet you badly wanted to work in PR or journalism. How about finding an editorial internship at a medicine or nursing journal?
You can even volunteer in the distribution of flyers and booklets for your local dispensary. All these will count when time is ripe for you to go for that dream career.
Consider Entrepreneurship
There’s a stereotypical thinking that if someone graduates with a degree, they have to go and work for somebody. There’s no problem with this, but what if you’re not interested in that career path? You can make use of the higher education platform to network and establish business connections which you can in turn use to start off on your own.
Whichever option you choose, keep in mind that just like nature, education never wastes. What you have learned can be utilized somewhere else.

The risks of internet Banking

Internet banking can be defined as the extension of banking services through Internet delivery channels, where your traditional physical bank extends the functionality of your branch into the virtual space.

Through a web interface, the bank provides its customers the convenience of executing transactions from the comfort of their homes or offices.

In Kenya, this convenience is further extended into mobile banking, where customers access their traditional bank accounts through mobile phones. One can therefore move funds from a bank account into other accounts existing within and beyond the hosting bank. This is quite innovative, very convenient and highly functional.

However, the fact that it works most of the time tends to hide the fact that occasionally things can, and do, go horribly wrong. When they do, most banks and their telecommunications partners prefer to remain silent in order to protect their reputation.

But silence does not mean that the risks of internet and mobile banking have disappeared. We must have a conversation these risks and how to mitigate them.

In assessing the risks, we can adopt the common ‘CIA’ perspective – reviewing the Confidentiality, Integrity and Availability risks for internet and mobile banking.

Confidentiality refers to the extent to which information is kept private and only accessible to authorized personnel.

Integrity refers to the ability to protect information from non-authorized alterations, while availability refers to the ability to provide the banking service as and when it is required.

Confidentiality means that your bank account or mobile money (M-Pesa) details should have restricted access in order to minimize the risk of fraudulent activities.

If this were not true, and someone had prior knowledge of your mobile money balance, for example, they would have a better chance of executing the now-notorious trick of sending you a fake M-Pesa text message and subsequently calling you to claim that they have “mistakenly” posted you some money.

If they had knowledge of your previous balance, they would accurately report your faked new balance, increasing the chances that you would make a reverse transmission of the claimed amount in favor of the fraudster.

You would have been conned if you effected the reversal, since the transfer would be coming from your hard-earned money, rather than from the purported mistaken posting.

Another trick is emerging around online banking where some banks have been reported to be acting on “emailed instructions” from customers.

Whereas the Kenya Information and Communication Act of 2009 did recognize electronic records as valid in the eyes of Kenyan courts, the framework supporting emailed transactions is not yet implemented.

Specifically, the Public Key Infrastructure (PKI) framework that would provide solid authentication and non-repudiation mechanisms to support email and other electronic transactions is largely ignored in Kenya.

Authentication is a mechanism that validates the identity supplied by online customers while non-repudiation is a property that allows one to confirm beyond reasonable doubt, by way of digital signatures that a particular email or electronic communication did originate from a particular customer.

In the absence of a Public Key Infrastructure (PKI) environment, it is very easy to generate fake email instructions to a bank that purport to originate from a valid customer. Once the bank executes such an instruction, the customer loses their money.

The situation can even get more complicated when bank insiders are the ones originating the fake email instructions and subsequently executing them under the pretext of innocently serving the customer, when in essence, they are paying themselves through remote accomplices.

Indeed, customers themselves can exploit the loopholes within electronic communications that lack digital signatures. They could also originate fake email instructions to pay their remote accomplices, with the ulterior motive of ensuring that these instructions are later confirmed as fake, making the bank liable for a refund.

All these confidentiality and integrity issues can be technically addressed by implementing a Public Key Infrastructure (PKI) environment. However, other policy, regulatory and procedural practices must precede a successful Public Key Infrastructure (PKI) implementation. The Data Protection Act and the Freedom of Information Act must be urgently enacted to protect citizens from exposures in the ever-changing technological landscape.

Yes, it's a digital world, but not without risks!

Money and relationships: how to budget as a couple

Managing your personal finance as part of a couple can often be very tricky. Many couples treat this as a taboo subject in their relationship, but that should never be the case.

Here are a few tips to make personal finance for couples a little easier:

1. Together forever?

I’ve seen quite a few couples debate about whether they should join their finances. When it comes to this I would suggest that you try the following approach: one for me, one for you and one for us. This is because having your own money that you can spend any way you want can lessen arguments about money.

Approaching your finances like this does not mean that there is a rift in your relationship, but will allow each party to feel that they still have some of their independence. However it will also still allow you to agree on a portion of your incomes to be placed in a joint account that can be used to pay for items like groceries or weekends away.

2. Talking is key

When it comes to finances you have to talk to your partner. Express your areas of concern as well as your saving aspirations. Don’t hide details, especially when it comes to debt.

3.       You’re in it together

Make a plan to pay off existing debt. Even if your partner’s debt existed before you got together you can’t claim that it isn’t your problem, because his or her debt could still negatively affect your credit rating going forward.

4.       Save Save Save!

Couples living month-to-month often rationalize that they just don’t have enough money to save. Make the decision to save at least 10% of your income. If the two of you start getting into the habit of saving money for your retirement years now it will make it so much easier to lead the retirement lifestyle that you both hope for one day.

5.       Always my favourite: BUDGET!

When it comes to money, budgeting is the only way to control the way you use it. Set a couples budget and, as hard as it’s going to be, try and stick to it. Two heads are better than one after all!

Men don't change. Don't be cowed

There are two sentences that do more damage to women than any other in the English language.

First is the notorious, “He can change!”  Those three small words have been sending chills up spines worldwide for centuries.

Second is the equally infamous, “I can change him!”  That is a four word sentence that has been driving divisions into the sanity of families for as long as people have been getting their freak on (a very long time indeed).

Why Those Sentences Suck

There’s a reasoning behind the cringing at those two phrases.  In a nutshell, it’s the simple fact that men don’t change for the better, and their bad behaviour now is just a gateway for trailer parks, alcohol-induced family brawls and part-time drug addiction.  That is the cold hard truth; stupid and mean people get more stupid and mean over time.

For men, this is extrapolated as we have a tendency to have a more extreme capacity for all things dumb, insensitive or downright malicious.  As years go by and he’s still in the dead-end job that he got as a favour and all the mistakes keep piling onto his conscious, all that bitterness is going to be taken out on somebody’s head (another free hint, it isn’t his own).

How to Avoid Some Real Soul Crushing Stuff

Guess what?  The girlfriends that have been buzzing in your ear about how much of a tool he is aren’t jealous, they are concerned!  This is a feeling that you probably should have had a while back, the first time he threw a mango at the TV over a lack of Law and Order re-runs (the second time should have been a dead giveaway).

Way too often women don’t listen to themselves when they sense something wrong in a relationship; instead, they blaze a trail into the unknown, satisfied that they will now have their very own cross to bear.  It’s time to get over such behaviour and make any changes on your own.  If you’re dead set on becoming Mrs Useless Tool, have fun for the next seventeen years before you find texts on his phone from an ugly hooker.

The reality is this when it’s early in a relationship and you’re wondering why the guy you’re seeing is such a jerk to you constantly, it doesn’t get better, only exponentially worse.  Get out while you still can!

Email etiquette

Emails are strangely awkward. They give us the ability to start a conversation with anyone in the world, without the social cues of an in-person interaction. So we do things that we’d never do in real life via email.

There are some few unwritten rules that make people read and respond to your email and leave all others in the inbox, only to end up in the trash box.

Some of the rules are pretty obvious, but they’re worth repeating. You see people breaking them from time to time.

Start with the basics. What is everyone’s favourite word? Their first name! Have you ever been in public before and heard someone call out your name?

You automatically turned around ready to respond until you saw they were calling someone they knew.

You can get your prospect’s attention the same way by putting their name in the subject line of your emails.

To start with, doing so will distinguish your email from the hundreds of others your prospect gets, and because we are all drawn to our own name, it will draw your prospect’s eyes to your email like a magnet.

This is the very best way to get their attention to read your email.

EASY WAY OUT

Keep the email subject line descriptive and succinct. Put yourself in your prospect’s seat. You have too much to do already, and an inbox that’s growing by the minute.

Remember, the recipient is looking for an excuse to delete your message — don’t give them an easy way out with a generic subject line.

If you are emailing a very busy person, it is totally acceptable and somewhat expected that you’ll forward the initial email back to him or her with a follow-up message after a week or two. Most busy people require at least one of these. Don’t do more than three.

Many people preview their emails by reading the first few sentences in their email programme before deciding to read the whole thing, so concentrate on writing a short and value laden opening that is addressed right to them.

Nothing will turn your prospect off more than long, information packed paragraphs. Their eyes will glaze over and they will hit the delete key faster than it took you to hit the send key.

Don’t let any of your paragraphs be more than three sentences, and if possible, make them just two sentences.

It is not acceptable to follow up on an email within 48 hours unless it is truly urgent. Many people treat email as a form of correspondence and may simply have higher priorities than answering you right away.

If you receive, or want to send, an angry email, wait on it. If it’s urgent, get on the phone instead.

There is nothing more annoying than replying an email to all yet the message is really meant for one person, and only that person.

Use “reply all” only when truly needed. No one likes that person who clogs the whole office staff inboxes.

Because your prospect can’t see you, they only have your writing sample to judge you on. If it’s filled with misspellings and poor grammar, what kind of impression do you think this makes?

It only takes a minute to proofread your emails, and I’ll tell you now I’m always glad I did. I almost always make them better, and when I hit the send key I know I’ve sent out the best message possible.

Doing so allows me to make the best impression, and this once again separates me from my competition. The same could apply to you.

Pregnant and drunk? Holy Moly!

A woman who drinks as much as a man faces more physical problems because of human physiology. The problem is compounded by pregnancy.
I try not to be a moralistic old fogey. I really do. The moment you start talking of “children of nowadays” you are past it and need to become a church elder. If you see me crusading against teenage habits, write to my baby mama and ask her to boot me!
However, in a bar at South B Nairobi recently, I saw a very sickening sight. As I downed a bottle or two and made merry with friends, a very pregnant woman walked in and ordered her poison. She had at least two before I left in disgust.
Surely, aside from people below the age of 18, we shouldn’t sell a drop to women who are pregnant. Foetal alcohol syndrome is a great concern and represents a risk that the children did not volunteer for.
Children should not be born with hooch coursing through their tiny little arteries.
Compared to their counterparts in Rwanda and Uganda, Kenyan women do not drink as much. That is a good thing. However, we should recall that the effects of drinking are not split evenly between the sexes or the races. (We are unlucky that Africans, for the most part, are excellent at digesting alcohol, unlike, say, people from the Far East.)
A woman who drinks as much as a man faces more physical problems because of human physiology. The problem is compounded by pregnancy.
Controlling alcohol consumption in women is about brain-addled babies. Mututho should latch onto this issue and rid our bars of pregnant women. Also, there is no mood killer worse in a bar than the sight of a pregnant woman walking in as you chat up a lady.