The myopic view of top management
In Today’s competitive world where the competitors fight neck to neck, the only way to sustain the Competitive Advantage is to not overtly focused on the present but to think on long term perspective.
During my limited corporate experience what I observed with a few of the Organizations were, to my surprise, the Top Management was quite concerned only about the near term gains. Albeit it’s important to focus on near future what’s agonizing is the myopic view of the Top Management.
They clasp the outdated ideologies, hang on to the status quo and fear the slightest change but wish the profits go up year-on-year. In most of the Organizations, the Vision statements are mere wish lists or decorative strings of ornamental words hanging on their websites, with no apparent efforts/plans towards achieving the same.
Why fear the change?
Most Organizations have the capable people who perform their best on a day to day basis but do not have time or willingness to look beyond their current activities. These are the people who keep running relentlessly but do not know why. An Organization definitely needs these people. They make a perfect execution team. But an Organization filled mostly/solely with these type of people would fail in long term.
These types of Organizations fear change because there are no people who could foresee the unforeseen. So, they clasp each others hands, close their eyes tight and say nothing’s going to change. In reality, everything’s changing… at their own pace.
What to do about it?
“
Employers and business leaders need people who can think for themselves – who can take initiative and be the solution to problems. – Stephen Covey
As Stephen Covey mentioned, Organizations need people at top who can think and look beyond the status quo. A guy who can take a short break from the rat race and observe from a distance or take an aerial view of the situation and make corrections appropriate.
Top Management or Business owners must actively spot these people either inside the organization or in the market and reward them with right opportunities. Hiring or promoting such strategic thinkers should be seen as long term investment for the Organization rather than as an expense
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
How to survive office politics
In my view, one of life’s greatest ambitions is to remain authentic. Never underestimate the many circumstances, however, that will challenge your ability to be yourself – particularly early in your career.
Navigating office politics is one of these challenges. It is a high-ranking test of one’s character and belief.
The view of politics from the HoD's helicopter seat is predictable and vivid. It is much easier to see personal agendas, competition, ‘backstabbing’ (a word I loathe), and false relationships at play amongst those eager to succeed. But for the less seasoned professional, workplace politics can be a costly and demoralising distraction.
So, the earlier you learn how to navigate your surrounds, the quicker the career you deserve begins. It took me longer than it should've to work this out. I incorrectly focused on the moments of politics, not the long term game to benefit my career. I was guilty of being distracted by futile, ‘in the moment’ politics. Don’t let that happen to you.
Be better than me – try these tips:
1) Learn how to influence
Influencing is an invaluable asset of leadership, but it is also complex to attain and wield. At the core of effective influencing is the art of building authentic relationships in your work environment. This involves the simple principle of being genuinely curious about people – for instance, their interests, motivations and ambitions. This curiosity should extend beyond just those that you may directly work with. My effectiveness as an influencer came from building broad and honest relationships across the business. While we didn’t always agree on issues, there was a genuine respect for each other. Legitimately getting to know people will more often than not smoke out disingenuous political agendas.
2) Don’t resent others success
This is a sleeping giant. A really important habit to get into is to play your long game – focus on your career, not that of others. In almost every work environment I have been in, the least gracious people are the most unsuccessful. You must learn to appreciate and acknowledge other’s success. I know that can be tough for highly competitive people, but be generous – people will notice. There is nothing more appealing than the genuine support of colleagues. These moments can change the nature of relationships for the better. It also sends a signal that you are above any petty jealousies.
3) Toughen up
As you know in life and business, things are not always fair and reasonable. As a HoD, I always observe people’s reactions to difficult scenarios, such as missing out on a promotion, dealing with confrontation or personality clashes. This is important because if someone exhibits calm, respectful objectivity in such circumstances, it tells me they are building the maturity for greater success into the future. They are developing objectivity. They are toughening up.
4) Ignore the pack
From the moment you walked into the schoolyard, the challenge to be yourself began. To this day, your perception of yourself is, to some extent, shaped by your experiences with people. In almost every work environment, whether it’s a result of a poor work culture, or the convenience of jumping on the bandwagon of popular opinion, pack mentality exists. The most successful people are able to manage and build relationships with many and varied individuals, without ever being pressured, coerced or influenced to join a destructive pack. Always seek to remain a collaborative individual, rather than a compliant groupie.
5) The long game
Don’t let office politics distract you from the long game. Ultimately, the goal of your long game should revolve around three things. Firstly, take every opportunity to build and maintain relationships across the business. Secondly, expose yourself to a variety of environments both within and outside your place of work (through volunteering, for instance). This will provide you with a greater capacity to work alongside people who face different issues and challenges in their respective roles. Last of all, make it your business to position yourself as the person who will help conclude a difficult project, step in to assist when disagreements arise, or provide a positive perspective when others are no longer capable of doing so. By focusing on these three long game objectives, your context and judgement will continue to improve, and you will further insulate yourself from the petty politician(s).
Navigating office politics is one of these challenges. It is a high-ranking test of one’s character and belief.
The view of politics from the HoD's helicopter seat is predictable and vivid. It is much easier to see personal agendas, competition, ‘backstabbing’ (a word I loathe), and false relationships at play amongst those eager to succeed. But for the less seasoned professional, workplace politics can be a costly and demoralising distraction.
So, the earlier you learn how to navigate your surrounds, the quicker the career you deserve begins. It took me longer than it should've to work this out. I incorrectly focused on the moments of politics, not the long term game to benefit my career. I was guilty of being distracted by futile, ‘in the moment’ politics. Don’t let that happen to you.
Be better than me – try these tips:
1) Learn how to influence
Influencing is an invaluable asset of leadership, but it is also complex to attain and wield. At the core of effective influencing is the art of building authentic relationships in your work environment. This involves the simple principle of being genuinely curious about people – for instance, their interests, motivations and ambitions. This curiosity should extend beyond just those that you may directly work with. My effectiveness as an influencer came from building broad and honest relationships across the business. While we didn’t always agree on issues, there was a genuine respect for each other. Legitimately getting to know people will more often than not smoke out disingenuous political agendas.
2) Don’t resent others success
This is a sleeping giant. A really important habit to get into is to play your long game – focus on your career, not that of others. In almost every work environment I have been in, the least gracious people are the most unsuccessful. You must learn to appreciate and acknowledge other’s success. I know that can be tough for highly competitive people, but be generous – people will notice. There is nothing more appealing than the genuine support of colleagues. These moments can change the nature of relationships for the better. It also sends a signal that you are above any petty jealousies.
3) Toughen up
As you know in life and business, things are not always fair and reasonable. As a HoD, I always observe people’s reactions to difficult scenarios, such as missing out on a promotion, dealing with confrontation or personality clashes. This is important because if someone exhibits calm, respectful objectivity in such circumstances, it tells me they are building the maturity for greater success into the future. They are developing objectivity. They are toughening up.
4) Ignore the pack
From the moment you walked into the schoolyard, the challenge to be yourself began. To this day, your perception of yourself is, to some extent, shaped by your experiences with people. In almost every work environment, whether it’s a result of a poor work culture, or the convenience of jumping on the bandwagon of popular opinion, pack mentality exists. The most successful people are able to manage and build relationships with many and varied individuals, without ever being pressured, coerced or influenced to join a destructive pack. Always seek to remain a collaborative individual, rather than a compliant groupie.
5) The long game
Don’t let office politics distract you from the long game. Ultimately, the goal of your long game should revolve around three things. Firstly, take every opportunity to build and maintain relationships across the business. Secondly, expose yourself to a variety of environments both within and outside your place of work (through volunteering, for instance). This will provide you with a greater capacity to work alongside people who face different issues and challenges in their respective roles. Last of all, make it your business to position yourself as the person who will help conclude a difficult project, step in to assist when disagreements arise, or provide a positive perspective when others are no longer capable of doing so. By focusing on these three long game objectives, your context and judgement will continue to improve, and you will further insulate yourself from the petty politician(s).
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Hustling success out of setbacks
To say we’ve had setbacks is an understatement. On just about every one of our major projects, there have been setbacks from the start, continuing on through every phase, including finding the right partner, negotiating the deal, staffing up, delivering, assessing and even winding down. I wouldn’t know what smooth sailing feels like.
Setbacks aren’t the same as failures. Failure is when you reach the point where you can’t continue on toward your goal; you’ve ended up on a dead-end track, and there’s no way to get from here to there. Setbacks, in contrast, can be part of your path to success—they may be detours from a straight-line route, but they might lie along a potentially viable route, leaving you with a way forward.
In fact, you could define success as the positive culmination of a series of setbacks. If you’re not encountering any hitches, either you’ve failed to lead your organization toward its most promising and therefore challenging opportunities, or you’re simply missing all the clues that setbacks are brewing.
Even though setbacks are part and parcel of success, they can still sink you if you don’t deal with them effectively. Here are my strategies for pushing past setbacks:
Establish an early warning system. It was when we failed to see trouble on the horizon that we were most badly bitten by a setback. In general, the sooner you start in on a fix, the more options you’ll have to avoid real damage. Everyone in the organization from the front lines to leadership should feel encouraged to report bad news immediately. We also solicit frank client feedback on an ongoing basis.
Measure. Sometimes you won’t be able to notice that things are slipping unless you’ve got good data at your fingertips. Setting up a solid measurement and analysis system can take real effort, but it will pay for itself many times over.
Don’t overreact. You want to move swiftly to assess your options and begin repairs, but often our first instinct when confronted with trouble is to do what turns out to be exactly the wrong thing. If you take drastic action before you understand what’s happening, you can make things worse.
Trust your team. It’s tempting for a leader to jump in and try to solve serious problems when they arise. But if you’ve done your job as a leader, you’ve put a team in place that deserves a shot at fixing things. Certainly you’ll want to provide guidance, support and resources, but that should be all you need to contribute, unless things continue to go downhill.
Don’t bail out prematurely. It’s hard to tell a setback from failure until you’re looking back on it. Better to assume it’s just a setback and pound away at the problem as long as you see options. One of our biggest challenges, for example, is a sudden shortage of talented, experienced people to staff a large, new collaboration. We don’t solve that problem as much as wear it down through recruiting, training, mentoring, shuffling positions, and much more.
Don’t make failure worse. All organizations encounter failure. Don’t flail and throw good money after bad, or place further demands on partners and clients who have clearly had enough. Back away as gracefully as possible, leaving as few bad feelings and wasted resources in your wake as possible.
Build an institutional memory. Every setback and failure comes with a build-up, warning signs, recognition of a problem, repair efforts, assessments, and good or poor results. Record these in a lessons-learned database that all managers can use, so that when history repeats itself, it’s to good end.
Setbacks aren’t the same as failures. Failure is when you reach the point where you can’t continue on toward your goal; you’ve ended up on a dead-end track, and there’s no way to get from here to there. Setbacks, in contrast, can be part of your path to success—they may be detours from a straight-line route, but they might lie along a potentially viable route, leaving you with a way forward.
In fact, you could define success as the positive culmination of a series of setbacks. If you’re not encountering any hitches, either you’ve failed to lead your organization toward its most promising and therefore challenging opportunities, or you’re simply missing all the clues that setbacks are brewing.
Even though setbacks are part and parcel of success, they can still sink you if you don’t deal with them effectively. Here are my strategies for pushing past setbacks:
Establish an early warning system. It was when we failed to see trouble on the horizon that we were most badly bitten by a setback. In general, the sooner you start in on a fix, the more options you’ll have to avoid real damage. Everyone in the organization from the front lines to leadership should feel encouraged to report bad news immediately. We also solicit frank client feedback on an ongoing basis.
Measure. Sometimes you won’t be able to notice that things are slipping unless you’ve got good data at your fingertips. Setting up a solid measurement and analysis system can take real effort, but it will pay for itself many times over.
Don’t overreact. You want to move swiftly to assess your options and begin repairs, but often our first instinct when confronted with trouble is to do what turns out to be exactly the wrong thing. If you take drastic action before you understand what’s happening, you can make things worse.
Trust your team. It’s tempting for a leader to jump in and try to solve serious problems when they arise. But if you’ve done your job as a leader, you’ve put a team in place that deserves a shot at fixing things. Certainly you’ll want to provide guidance, support and resources, but that should be all you need to contribute, unless things continue to go downhill.
Don’t bail out prematurely. It’s hard to tell a setback from failure until you’re looking back on it. Better to assume it’s just a setback and pound away at the problem as long as you see options. One of our biggest challenges, for example, is a sudden shortage of talented, experienced people to staff a large, new collaboration. We don’t solve that problem as much as wear it down through recruiting, training, mentoring, shuffling positions, and much more.
Don’t make failure worse. All organizations encounter failure. Don’t flail and throw good money after bad, or place further demands on partners and clients who have clearly had enough. Back away as gracefully as possible, leaving as few bad feelings and wasted resources in your wake as possible.
Build an institutional memory. Every setback and failure comes with a build-up, warning signs, recognition of a problem, repair efforts, assessments, and good or poor results. Record these in a lessons-learned database that all managers can use, so that when history repeats itself, it’s to good end.
Monday, 14 July 2014
Management lessons from the FIFA World cup
The FIFA World cup fever just came to an end. Some games were delightful, some heart-breaking. Fans all over the globe cheered for their favorite teams, while others hoped that may the best team win. There are some significant management lessons that can be learnt from the World Cup Football games.
1. The significance of Leaders. The coaches and the lead players in the football teams created expectations, dreams and hopes for the respective teams. They inspired, motivated and influenced the followers. The experience of the lead players enriched their contribution. In the Corporate world, the senior executives create, retain and shape the expectations of the shareholders, customers and the employees.
2. The significance of Teamwork. The winning team and the other top teams demonstrated the power of co-ordinated team work. Football is not a one man game and neither is running a business. While the leaders can create the initial hype or excitement about a new product, service or company, it is the co-ordinated and integrated team work across all the departments that ensure the successful implementation of the projects. Strategic team management is the key for seamless and harmonious co-ordination and is at the root of long term success of any organization.
3. Conflict Management. Successful conflict management is a significant factor to ensure team harmony. In Football, there are rules to be followed and if the teams fail to score goals within the allotted time, they are allowed extra time and penalty kicks. In the Corporate world, resolution of conflicts is of fundamental importance to lessen the burden on the limited resources of man, materials and money. Different strategies like avoidance, defusion and confrontation and others, can be applied by the management, based on the impact of the conflict on time, finances and morale of the employees.
4. Diversity Management. Football fans may be from different parts of the globe and be equally interested, passionate and supportive like the home country. In today's age of Globalization and advancement of technology, similar diversities exist in the client or customer base, as well as internally within the organization, amongst the leaders and the different employees. They may come from different nations, different religious beliefs, different socio-economical backgrounds, different generations and sexes. In order to meet the demands of the different markets, leaders need to respect and understand the difference in the needs of the diverse groups. Also, recent researches have shown the significance of successful diversity management within the organization to increased productivity, morale, increased feelings of job satisfaction and increased overall respect for the leaders.
5. Strategic Execution. Nothing speaks louder than victory in the Football games. In the Corporate world as well, all the endeavors come down to strategic execution. An important lesson that can be learnt from the football games in this respect is how the teams that learn and often re-design their strategies based on the opposition team, are the ones who reach the level of the top four. Similarly, in the Corporate world, strategies are formed in the beginning, but often need to be re-designed, revised during the course of the projects in order to ensure successful execution of the goals. Different performance motivators can also be used in order to boost the morale of the workforce during the different stages of strategy execution.
Lastly, in the games, the physical strength of the teams go hand in hand with their mental strengths. Managers need to keep in mind this aspect as well and train, guide and lead the employees towards successful implementation of the corporate goals.
1. The significance of Leaders. The coaches and the lead players in the football teams created expectations, dreams and hopes for the respective teams. They inspired, motivated and influenced the followers. The experience of the lead players enriched their contribution. In the Corporate world, the senior executives create, retain and shape the expectations of the shareholders, customers and the employees.
2. The significance of Teamwork. The winning team and the other top teams demonstrated the power of co-ordinated team work. Football is not a one man game and neither is running a business. While the leaders can create the initial hype or excitement about a new product, service or company, it is the co-ordinated and integrated team work across all the departments that ensure the successful implementation of the projects. Strategic team management is the key for seamless and harmonious co-ordination and is at the root of long term success of any organization.
3. Conflict Management. Successful conflict management is a significant factor to ensure team harmony. In Football, there are rules to be followed and if the teams fail to score goals within the allotted time, they are allowed extra time and penalty kicks. In the Corporate world, resolution of conflicts is of fundamental importance to lessen the burden on the limited resources of man, materials and money. Different strategies like avoidance, defusion and confrontation and others, can be applied by the management, based on the impact of the conflict on time, finances and morale of the employees.
4. Diversity Management. Football fans may be from different parts of the globe and be equally interested, passionate and supportive like the home country. In today's age of Globalization and advancement of technology, similar diversities exist in the client or customer base, as well as internally within the organization, amongst the leaders and the different employees. They may come from different nations, different religious beliefs, different socio-economical backgrounds, different generations and sexes. In order to meet the demands of the different markets, leaders need to respect and understand the difference in the needs of the diverse groups. Also, recent researches have shown the significance of successful diversity management within the organization to increased productivity, morale, increased feelings of job satisfaction and increased overall respect for the leaders.
5. Strategic Execution. Nothing speaks louder than victory in the Football games. In the Corporate world as well, all the endeavors come down to strategic execution. An important lesson that can be learnt from the football games in this respect is how the teams that learn and often re-design their strategies based on the opposition team, are the ones who reach the level of the top four. Similarly, in the Corporate world, strategies are formed in the beginning, but often need to be re-designed, revised during the course of the projects in order to ensure successful execution of the goals. Different performance motivators can also be used in order to boost the morale of the workforce during the different stages of strategy execution.
Lastly, in the games, the physical strength of the teams go hand in hand with their mental strengths. Managers need to keep in mind this aspect as well and train, guide and lead the employees towards successful implementation of the corporate goals.
Sunday, 13 July 2014
Of Mr Charming with a black eye
After the heartbreak of losing my house-girl sweetheart to a spanner-wielding giant of a mechanic, I am moving on. Yep, that quick. It is the fortunate thing about being a man. We are getting rejections all the time and the least you can do is get used to them. Especially a man of my looks, I got loads of experience in the rejection area, trust me. In fact, my chances of scoring a hit are give or take one to 15. You see this receding bump above my right eye? This was a result of my dome colliding with a loaded blue handbag two weeks ago.
It was as I would call it my 14th attempt before I met Flora. So I spied this girl sitting all alone on the garden of Jevanjee Gardens in the city and she was looking all lonely and sad. I observed her for a whole 20 minutes as she kept on looking at her phone after every three seconds. I deduced that she was waiting for someone who was lousy at keeping time. I could tell that she was getting more jittery and impatient as time wore on and when she started sighing loudly, I decided to make my move.
So I sauntered over to her bench and installed myself right next to her, stretched my hand along the armrest and gave her a long hard stare. I call it ‘my intimidating stare’ and apparently, it is supposed to mellow the girl’s heart by me asserting control and authority. Do not ask me where I discovered it or why I do it because I do not know. Fact is, it never works but I still keep on doing it anyhow. After a minute of my classic move, I could tell she was getting really uneasy at which point I opened my talker and introduced myself and my intentions.
See, I am not a bloke to beat around the bush, go straight to the point, is my policy, and again, it hardly ever works but I still do it for one reason or another. “Sasa msupa,” I started in my macho drawl, “naona huyo boy hakuji. Lakini hayuko worth wewe, sasa waonaje mimi na wewe tuishie kwako, kwanza uniundie msosi, alafu nikushow baraka ninazobeba?”
When I analysed the scenario later, replayed it from the moment I sat next to her to the moment the blue handbag met with my brains, I discovered the series of unfortunate miscalculations that I did.
First, I remembered that I had not taken a shower for four straight days. See, the landlord was arrested about a week before for illegal water connection and our reserves had dwindled out over time. So when I sat next to the lonely chick and stretched my arm, the stench from under my armpits probably gave her a massive high. I also refused to read the twisting of her nose and pulling of the head furthest from my body as a danger sign.
Further, I misread the contortion of the facial features due to harassed smell senses as signs of my intimidation charm working. The next miscalculation I made was open my mouth. See, due to the factor above, brushing of teeth in my Banda estate had been rendered impractical. It never is a major consideration, to be honest, but with the water crisis, we have all but discarded the well worn out toothbrushes. So when I opened my mouth to deliver what I thought was my killer speech, the stench might have been worse than the one coming from the sewer.
The final miscalculation was to assume that the girl was lonely and had been stood up. With all these factors put together, I should have been alert enough to duck when I saw the flash of blue rushing towards my face, but I didn’t. The connection was hard enough to make me see butterflies for a minute and by the time they had flown away, the damsel had vanished. But she was my 14th attempt at getting me a girlfriend, I would presume since shortly after, I met Flora and got her. In simple terms for you my friend, for every girlfriend that I get, I have made over 14th attempts and gotten as much number of rejections.
As you can see therefore, it wasn’t really that hard moving on after the devastation of Flora. But now, I have decided that I am not going to live in poverty on account of my looks. I have hit an inspiration, and it came in the name of a girl named Vera. I watched her on my neighbour’s TV the other day, through the holes I have drilled in the tin partitioning of ‘the cave’ and gosh, I could not believe my eyes. The girl is loaded, I mean, like thoroughly asserted. I could swear it was like a tonne, the one she sits on.
Personally, I don’t like them that huge. I prefer a girl I can carry in case of an emergency. But I must admit I was drooling all over myself as she strutted her stuff to the more salivating TV guy. However, I have a problem with her skin colour. Spent Sh50 million to transform her colour, is what she said. Sh50 million? Thunders hit me! And she used it to change her colour to that of ripe paw paw? I love ripe paw paw, for your information. I love eating it, I love the way it looks. But I love that colour only when it is on ripe paw paw.
When you put it on a black girl, she looks kind of sickly, unnatural. This girl Sidika looks weird and alien and to imagine that she acquired the looks at a cost of Sh50 million is still shorting my thinker. Fact is, she is not a girl I would take to my ma, sufferer as I am, not that she would consider it anyhow —Vera, that is. But I am thinking that if she can be so wealthy, looking the way she does, then I am confident that if I introduced a new concept, male socialitism, I will be wealthy and famous in no time. That is why I am conducting a research on what you females like in men. Big muscles and other paraphernalia are obvious. What I need is that thing that will make me stand out so that I will be hogging the newspapers in no time
It was as I would call it my 14th attempt before I met Flora. So I spied this girl sitting all alone on the garden of Jevanjee Gardens in the city and she was looking all lonely and sad. I observed her for a whole 20 minutes as she kept on looking at her phone after every three seconds. I deduced that she was waiting for someone who was lousy at keeping time. I could tell that she was getting more jittery and impatient as time wore on and when she started sighing loudly, I decided to make my move.
So I sauntered over to her bench and installed myself right next to her, stretched my hand along the armrest and gave her a long hard stare. I call it ‘my intimidating stare’ and apparently, it is supposed to mellow the girl’s heart by me asserting control and authority. Do not ask me where I discovered it or why I do it because I do not know. Fact is, it never works but I still keep on doing it anyhow. After a minute of my classic move, I could tell she was getting really uneasy at which point I opened my talker and introduced myself and my intentions.
See, I am not a bloke to beat around the bush, go straight to the point, is my policy, and again, it hardly ever works but I still do it for one reason or another. “Sasa msupa,” I started in my macho drawl, “naona huyo boy hakuji. Lakini hayuko worth wewe, sasa waonaje mimi na wewe tuishie kwako, kwanza uniundie msosi, alafu nikushow baraka ninazobeba?”
When I analysed the scenario later, replayed it from the moment I sat next to her to the moment the blue handbag met with my brains, I discovered the series of unfortunate miscalculations that I did.
First, I remembered that I had not taken a shower for four straight days. See, the landlord was arrested about a week before for illegal water connection and our reserves had dwindled out over time. So when I sat next to the lonely chick and stretched my arm, the stench from under my armpits probably gave her a massive high. I also refused to read the twisting of her nose and pulling of the head furthest from my body as a danger sign.
Further, I misread the contortion of the facial features due to harassed smell senses as signs of my intimidation charm working. The next miscalculation I made was open my mouth. See, due to the factor above, brushing of teeth in my Banda estate had been rendered impractical. It never is a major consideration, to be honest, but with the water crisis, we have all but discarded the well worn out toothbrushes. So when I opened my mouth to deliver what I thought was my killer speech, the stench might have been worse than the one coming from the sewer.
The final miscalculation was to assume that the girl was lonely and had been stood up. With all these factors put together, I should have been alert enough to duck when I saw the flash of blue rushing towards my face, but I didn’t. The connection was hard enough to make me see butterflies for a minute and by the time they had flown away, the damsel had vanished. But she was my 14th attempt at getting me a girlfriend, I would presume since shortly after, I met Flora and got her. In simple terms for you my friend, for every girlfriend that I get, I have made over 14th attempts and gotten as much number of rejections.
As you can see therefore, it wasn’t really that hard moving on after the devastation of Flora. But now, I have decided that I am not going to live in poverty on account of my looks. I have hit an inspiration, and it came in the name of a girl named Vera. I watched her on my neighbour’s TV the other day, through the holes I have drilled in the tin partitioning of ‘the cave’ and gosh, I could not believe my eyes. The girl is loaded, I mean, like thoroughly asserted. I could swear it was like a tonne, the one she sits on.
Personally, I don’t like them that huge. I prefer a girl I can carry in case of an emergency. But I must admit I was drooling all over myself as she strutted her stuff to the more salivating TV guy. However, I have a problem with her skin colour. Spent Sh50 million to transform her colour, is what she said. Sh50 million? Thunders hit me! And she used it to change her colour to that of ripe paw paw? I love ripe paw paw, for your information. I love eating it, I love the way it looks. But I love that colour only when it is on ripe paw paw.
When you put it on a black girl, she looks kind of sickly, unnatural. This girl Sidika looks weird and alien and to imagine that she acquired the looks at a cost of Sh50 million is still shorting my thinker. Fact is, she is not a girl I would take to my ma, sufferer as I am, not that she would consider it anyhow —Vera, that is. But I am thinking that if she can be so wealthy, looking the way she does, then I am confident that if I introduced a new concept, male socialitism, I will be wealthy and famous in no time. That is why I am conducting a research on what you females like in men. Big muscles and other paraphernalia are obvious. What I need is that thing that will make me stand out so that I will be hogging the newspapers in no time
Clean Driving Licence & Horror on the road
I wonder if a large stone in a riverbed can be said to have the experience of just being immersed therein! Can we say that this particular stone has more experience to be under the river than another stone thrown in it sometime later? This question got me thinking when I recently bought myself a second hand car manufactured at a date when dinosaurs roamed the earth! I hold a clean driving licence issued 10 years ago when I turned 21. I went to a driving school which of course has a motto saying: ‘Guaranteed pass!’ I have thought all schools should have such a motto, simply because that way, we shall have a population hundred per cent graduate.
The tired phrase of ‘Vision 2030’ shall become a reality if schools were tuned to become like driving schools. There were some 36 of us in that school at the time of the exam and we had of course paid for the ‘guaranteed pass’ and all the policemen invigilating the exams loved us. We made all the mistakes possible but all that was excused with a pat on the back. One person had refused to pay for the ‘guaranteed pass’ on the grounds that he is a born-again Christian. He could drive and all he needed was certification from the authorities.
He did everything right till we reached the board. He was given a miniature car and ordered to take it to some street and park it. This was not possible since it couldn’t just be done. Our Christian told the great officer that the task was impossible and that is how he failed! We who had paid for the ‘guaranteed pass’ were just told to move the little car two millimetres ahead and we passed with flying colours.
Our Christian rushed back to the driving school to complain about the officers and they reminded him of the guarantee! The poor fellow needed the driving licence to get a sales job which he craved for and thus, he had to shove the Messiah behind and pay for the ‘guaranteed pass’. This time round he had to pay double and the officer in charge told him, “Hata kama wewe ni Patrick Njiru usipolipa hapa utafeli!”
It was a great piece of advice which I suppose this lover of the saviour understood well and has kept in his religious heart to date. After the ‘guaranteed pass’, I never drove anybody’s car but just like the large stone in the river bed, I kept amassing experience and renewing my licence religiously just like the born-again salesman. Since I was not driving, I of course caused no accident at all thus my driving licence was as clean as a whistle. I was just waiting for an advert which says an organisation requires a fellow with 10 years driving experience and a clean driving licence.
I would of course land the job and then puzzle out how to drive. A few weeks ago my brand-new second hand came into the picture and I forked out my rather new driver’s licence and got behind the wheels. That is when reality dawned on me about the guaranteed pass that I had purchased! I just couldn’t balance the car on the road and I have now become the terror of the neighbourhood. All children melt away behind trees and large walls whenever I get into the car!
They somehow know instinctively that I am a very experienced driver who went through a guaranteed pass school. The first day I blundered into my own house through the front door when I wanted to reverse! I realised the mistake immediately and tried to brake but I stepped on the gas and frightened my wife into a scream. I got out of the house in a huff and blamed Japanese technology, when I got to the road I saw my wife crossing herself on the side view mirror; she crossed herself in the catholic manner even though she is a multiple born- again Christian who goes to church everyday of the week! That scared me big-time.
When I got to the main road, I wanted to indicate the direction I was turning to but I only succeeded in putting on the headlights in broad daylight. That bothered me and as I was trying to fiddle with the stem in order to switch them off, I managed to switch on the wipers. They startled me and I momentarily lost control and stepped on the gas and brakes at the same time stopping short of pasting a mkokoteni and it’s pusher upon a perimeter wall some 20 feet away from the road!
It was getting hectic and I was sweating like a horse. It dawned on me that driving must be the hardest job on earth after begging! I left in a huff and joined the road again with my head lamps on and the wiper dancing on the windshield like a mad robot on a hot sunny afternoon. I wanted to put on the hazard lights but I just couldn’t figure out where to press! Humiliating manner It is in this humiliating manner that I reached my destination some five kilometres to the north coast. I double parked the car for fear of scratching the others.
One askari did not like it so he told me to move the car and give space to other drivers wishing to park. I calmly gave him the keys and he did it for me. It was shameful. I put the car keys in my pocket because I think it is shameful to dangle keys in your hand or put them upon a table when you are in company. It looks like an advertisement of success; a pettiness of thought a silly method of seducing the opposite sex! When the meeting was over and I had forgotten all about my afternoon misery, I said goodbye to the organisers and promptly jumped into a taxi.
Just when we had covered two kilometres, the conductor asked for the fare and what do I find in my pocket… the car keys! It dawned on me that I had forgotten my car at the hotel parking! It was getting dark! How I drove back home is a story I do not wish to share. All I can say dear reader is that there is a brand-new second-hand car for sale and any interested party should contact me asap! Guaranteed pass may kill me
The tired phrase of ‘Vision 2030’ shall become a reality if schools were tuned to become like driving schools. There were some 36 of us in that school at the time of the exam and we had of course paid for the ‘guaranteed pass’ and all the policemen invigilating the exams loved us. We made all the mistakes possible but all that was excused with a pat on the back. One person had refused to pay for the ‘guaranteed pass’ on the grounds that he is a born-again Christian. He could drive and all he needed was certification from the authorities.
He did everything right till we reached the board. He was given a miniature car and ordered to take it to some street and park it. This was not possible since it couldn’t just be done. Our Christian told the great officer that the task was impossible and that is how he failed! We who had paid for the ‘guaranteed pass’ were just told to move the little car two millimetres ahead and we passed with flying colours.
Our Christian rushed back to the driving school to complain about the officers and they reminded him of the guarantee! The poor fellow needed the driving licence to get a sales job which he craved for and thus, he had to shove the Messiah behind and pay for the ‘guaranteed pass’. This time round he had to pay double and the officer in charge told him, “Hata kama wewe ni Patrick Njiru usipolipa hapa utafeli!”
It was a great piece of advice which I suppose this lover of the saviour understood well and has kept in his religious heart to date. After the ‘guaranteed pass’, I never drove anybody’s car but just like the large stone in the river bed, I kept amassing experience and renewing my licence religiously just like the born-again salesman. Since I was not driving, I of course caused no accident at all thus my driving licence was as clean as a whistle. I was just waiting for an advert which says an organisation requires a fellow with 10 years driving experience and a clean driving licence.
I would of course land the job and then puzzle out how to drive. A few weeks ago my brand-new second hand came into the picture and I forked out my rather new driver’s licence and got behind the wheels. That is when reality dawned on me about the guaranteed pass that I had purchased! I just couldn’t balance the car on the road and I have now become the terror of the neighbourhood. All children melt away behind trees and large walls whenever I get into the car!
They somehow know instinctively that I am a very experienced driver who went through a guaranteed pass school. The first day I blundered into my own house through the front door when I wanted to reverse! I realised the mistake immediately and tried to brake but I stepped on the gas and frightened my wife into a scream. I got out of the house in a huff and blamed Japanese technology, when I got to the road I saw my wife crossing herself on the side view mirror; she crossed herself in the catholic manner even though she is a multiple born- again Christian who goes to church everyday of the week! That scared me big-time.
When I got to the main road, I wanted to indicate the direction I was turning to but I only succeeded in putting on the headlights in broad daylight. That bothered me and as I was trying to fiddle with the stem in order to switch them off, I managed to switch on the wipers. They startled me and I momentarily lost control and stepped on the gas and brakes at the same time stopping short of pasting a mkokoteni and it’s pusher upon a perimeter wall some 20 feet away from the road!
It was getting hectic and I was sweating like a horse. It dawned on me that driving must be the hardest job on earth after begging! I left in a huff and joined the road again with my head lamps on and the wiper dancing on the windshield like a mad robot on a hot sunny afternoon. I wanted to put on the hazard lights but I just couldn’t figure out where to press! Humiliating manner It is in this humiliating manner that I reached my destination some five kilometres to the north coast. I double parked the car for fear of scratching the others.
One askari did not like it so he told me to move the car and give space to other drivers wishing to park. I calmly gave him the keys and he did it for me. It was shameful. I put the car keys in my pocket because I think it is shameful to dangle keys in your hand or put them upon a table when you are in company. It looks like an advertisement of success; a pettiness of thought a silly method of seducing the opposite sex! When the meeting was over and I had forgotten all about my afternoon misery, I said goodbye to the organisers and promptly jumped into a taxi.
Just when we had covered two kilometres, the conductor asked for the fare and what do I find in my pocket… the car keys! It dawned on me that I had forgotten my car at the hotel parking! It was getting dark! How I drove back home is a story I do not wish to share. All I can say dear reader is that there is a brand-new second-hand car for sale and any interested party should contact me asap! Guaranteed pass may kill me
Financial Leadership skills
The level of financial expertise needed in an organization or by an individual is related to the volume and complexity of ongoing financial activities. Effectively managing a business is typically more complicated than controlling a personal checking account. However, whether you are an individual trying to maintain personal finances or a CEO leading a multi-company conglomerate, the financial activities fall into one of three areas.
Account
The initial category of financial activity is to account for all the detailed transactions through an organized system through a process that includes some type of internal controls. Individuals are using on-line banking connected to personal financial software to record all their financial transactions. Many small businesses are utilizing accounting software, such as QuickBooks, to maintain all their accounting activities including the revenue, receivables, expenses, and payables. Current technology allows accounting transactions to be recorded in a financial system the same time the transaction occurs.
Report
A reporting process utilizes all accounted-for transactions to create financial and other reports showing activity summaries. Financial summaries can serve various purposes such as reporting profit and loss, filing tax returns with KRA, or presenting a company’s financial picture to its stakeholders. In today’s environment, organizational reporting processes extend far beyond the age-tested management financial report. Companies are being managed and led using advanced measurement tools such as Balanced Scorecard and the 360 degrees review.
Decide
The ultimate purpose for the accounting and reporting activities is to have reliable, relevant and timely information to base decisions. Reported information provides leaders in the C-suite a basis for making various decisions from dealing with daily activities all the way through their strategic plan implementations.
The three areas of financial leadership are very obvious and simple. However, until you clearly understand the activity magnitude within these three areas you will not be able to align the people and processes under each area to lead your company to greater success. Executive level leaders who comprehend the three areas of financial leadership are leading their company to higher levels.
Account
The initial category of financial activity is to account for all the detailed transactions through an organized system through a process that includes some type of internal controls. Individuals are using on-line banking connected to personal financial software to record all their financial transactions. Many small businesses are utilizing accounting software, such as QuickBooks, to maintain all their accounting activities including the revenue, receivables, expenses, and payables. Current technology allows accounting transactions to be recorded in a financial system the same time the transaction occurs.
Report
A reporting process utilizes all accounted-for transactions to create financial and other reports showing activity summaries. Financial summaries can serve various purposes such as reporting profit and loss, filing tax returns with KRA, or presenting a company’s financial picture to its stakeholders. In today’s environment, organizational reporting processes extend far beyond the age-tested management financial report. Companies are being managed and led using advanced measurement tools such as Balanced Scorecard and the 360 degrees review.
Decide
The ultimate purpose for the accounting and reporting activities is to have reliable, relevant and timely information to base decisions. Reported information provides leaders in the C-suite a basis for making various decisions from dealing with daily activities all the way through their strategic plan implementations.
The three areas of financial leadership are very obvious and simple. However, until you clearly understand the activity magnitude within these three areas you will not be able to align the people and processes under each area to lead your company to greater success. Executive level leaders who comprehend the three areas of financial leadership are leading their company to higher levels.
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