Are you a social drinker or alcoholic?

There is a difference between casual drinkers, binge drinkers and alcoholics. In trying to determine whether someone needs treatment for their drinking habits, it's important to first understand how the three types of drinkers differ from each other.

Casual and social drinkers are people who are in control of their consuming behavior. In other words, they don't feel the need to drink or substitute food with drinking.  Casual drinkers also don't consistently display outward signs of alcoholic behavior, which includes problems focusing at work, drinking and driving or legal issues. Further, they usually don't face severe health issues such as depression, liver failure, heart issues or withdrawals when not drinking on a consistent basis.

Binge drinkers are considered alcohol abusers, but not necessarily alcoholics. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. defines binge drinkers as healthy men who "drink four drinks on any day or 14 per week and women drinking more than three drinks on any day or seven per week."

The two types are further different in that binge drinkers usually don't suffer from the same chronic health issues because of their consistent drinking. Alcohol abusers also have some ability to control their drinking. For example, they may only drink on the weekends and not drink during the school or work week.

Unlike social drinkers who are in control of their actions and binge drinkers who display some signs of control, alcoholics are completely and blindly controlled by alcohol. Unaware that alcohol has suppressed their true self and produced a false self — the addict — the alcoholic becomes defensive and shows alcoholic-related symptoms.  Unlike social and binge drinkers who may not drink during the week, alcoholics become reliant on the liquid to feel gratification. And they feel little in regard to the consequences of their actions.

However, there does exist a number of similarities between alcoholics and binge drinkers, namely that the two can not only be as destructive as the other, but they lack awareness to correct their problems. Binge drinkers have a tendency to blackout, face legal problems because of public intoxication or drunk driving and act dangerously. Due to their dependence on alcohol and the ensuing effects of the substance on the body, alcoholics have a tendency to display similar behavior.

While these three types of drinkers have distinct differences, they also have one common trait that ties them together: a lack of awareness. Social drinking can progress into binge drinking just as binge drinking can develop into alcoholism. Staying aware of how much you drink and when you drink is important to suppress progression. First understand the root cause of your condition and then look to treat it using therapeutic counseling and clinical practices.

The shame of social media and relationships!

Nowadays, if you want to know how your friends are faring in their relationships, simply go to their Facebook page. Their status update will tell you whether there is trouble in paradise, or whether the marital waters are calm.

Those who are in good terms with their spouses will probably have posted something mushy like this, “Ever since I met you, my life has become a bed of roses; you complete me.” A few days later, depending on the temperature at home, this might be replaced with a phrase like this, “The only unconditional love you will ever get is from your mother…asante ya punda in mateke.”

Once social media checked in, what goes on in intimate relationships stopped being sacred. Nowadays, couples have no qualms about having rows in public, in full view of relatives, friends, and strangers.

If someone tapped you on your shoulder, only for you to turn around and realise that it is a stranger, most probably, you will quickly take a step back, ready to dismiss whatever he will say or ask you, convinced that he is a con artist, even when all he wants to ask is direction.

And yet we call radio stations every day with our relationship problems expecting helpful advice from people we have never met, anonymous voices that are only interested in raising their show’s ratings, voices that know next to nothing about relationships.

It is a fact that we all go through difficult phases at some point in our lives.

PROBLEM SHARED, PROBLEM HALVED

A popular cliche goes that a problem shared is a problem halved. Along the way, when conflict comes knocking, something that is inevitable in all relationships, the ‘aggrieved’ partner looks for someone to confide in, probably in an effort to find a solution, or to simply find the relief, no matter how small, that comes with sharing our predicaments.

Normally, confidantes are those in one’s close circles, the few you can always turn to for a shoulder to lean on, expecting to get a positive solution to your problem.

But this circle of confidants has grown a hundred times over, thanks to our many ‘friends’ in social media.

But the question is, why do many of us feel the need to open up to strangers about frustrations in our lives, people you have never met, and only know about because you pressed the accept button to a friend request on Facebook?

What makes you think that your former classmates in your high school WhatsApp group are the best candidates to tell you how to deal with your cheating spouse?

Robert Kimeu is not a fan of movies, he belongs to the strange group that cannot follow a movie from start to finish, but he can stay online for hours, not contributing to debates, rather, going through what others have written, purely for entertainment.

“The things people disclose about themselves!” he exclaims in disbelief, adding that he does not understand why people feel the need to expose intimate facts about themselves on social media.

“Why, for instance, would you insult your spouse online, no matter what he has done to you? Or taunt and threaten them? That only invites ridicule, not only towards him or her, but towards you too,” he says.

Sheila Wachira, a marriage counselor, agrees.

“Sharing your issues in public is bound to invite various opinions, which, in most cases, may not represent the perspective of your partner. Social media is a court of public opinion where the defendant has little or no opportunity to defend himself,” she points out.

 You also expose deep and personal issues that should be kept between the two of you, and perhaps one or two people who you trust.

The counselor adds that couples who give each other the silent treatment when they have a fight, instead of talking about it, are more likely to discuss their dissatisfaction with just about anyone who cares to listen. In most cases, these are the same people who are likely to moan about their spouses and how bad they are on social media.

“This is motivated by unresolved hurt or anger. Such people feel an overwhelming need to vent, but since they are not talking to their spouse, the next best outlet becomes FM stations and social media such as Facebook,” explains Ms Wachira, who further adds that most of the people who talk about their personal issues in public are running away from accountability.

“They do not want to account for their mistakes or take responsibility for playing a part in the challenges they are going through, hence the reason they are quick to only share their side of the story.”

In relationships, problems follow the tested cause and effect model. Many times, the aggrieved feel the need to get back at their partners, humiliate them or injure their character.

“Today, many radio stations and social media groups offer a ready platform to anyone who feels wronged to vent their anger, but unfortunately, one is not likely to get expert advice from such forums.”

Every profession, say Linda Amollo, a relationship counselor, has quacks, so it is advisable to seek help from trained individuals.

“They will not only ensure that the environment is ideal, away from the glare of cameras, but will also guide them through conflict resolution with a follow through using an established, tested and effective framework.”

“Keep private matters private. It is embarrassing to reprimand your spouse in public. The more effective route would be to address those issues with a professional counselor, mentor or a third party whom you both respect. The damage from such exposure could be far-reaching, and is likely to thwart any chance of a reconciliation.”

To preserve your dignity, as well as that of the offender, handle your conflict away from the glare of the media, children, peers and your extended family. Granted, your ‘friends’ on social media might side with you, sympathise with you, and even join you in shaming your spouse, but this will only give you temporary satisfaction, and is not a solution to your problems

The media’s role is to educate, entertain and inform, but above that, it is a commercial enterprise, so do not trust everything you hear in the various media channels.

Listening to most of our radio stations, especially in the morning and in the evening, there is a running theme – relationships. The topics mostly discussed are sex and infidelity. Some listeners openly confess to cheating on their spouses, while others call to shame their spouses for cheating on them. However, no advice is offered. They just vent, and then hang up. Do they benefit in any way?

If laughter is the best medicine though, couples at war have managed to keep their eager audience entertained. Normally when such debates are going on, if you travel by matatu, it is common to hear bouts of laughter from other passengers, while those who pretend not to be listening try to hide their grins. Do the callers laugh with us at themselves?

Though such confessions offer comic relief, those who should know say that going public with intimate issues may not necessarily give you the desired results. In fact, what you manage to achieve is set yourself up for ridicule, and the possibility of completely destroying a relationship you were not keen on ending.

So, before you post anything negative about your relationship on social media, think again. Also remember that your community of sympathisers might not give you the expert advice that you need, but will most likely make fun of the rant you made out of anger.

Rather than go public with your ‘beef’ confront your pain first. The first step involves talking to your spouse, or whoever has wronged you, in private.

How to build self-confidence in a team

Increasing confidence in people goes well beyond short term business gains it improves the lives of people.  Try putting these 5 confidence-building strategies into place to improve the performance of a member of your team;

1. Give More, Not Less. Most managers who see people struggling with their confidence remove or subtract tasks or responsibilities. This is wrong. By giving people more responsibility and duties, it forces them out of their comfort zone and allows them to gain confidence. They achieve things they never previously accomplished or thought they could accomplish.
2. Stretch Their Thinking. I love sending my team examples of the successful work of others in our field. It gets them thinking about ways to do their job better or more efficiently. Once they are successfully able to execute these new ideas, they are more confident in the work they do and the business gets a better product.
3. Be a Positives Influence. I am a huge believer that the people you surround yourself with influence how you feel about yourself. Work to build others up, be 100% honest, and make good decisions both personally and professionally. It’s all about leading by example and being a positive influence every single day.
4. Celebrate Successes. Celebrating successes early and often is the easiest thing to do on this list, but it’s the least executed. It can be as simple as saying “great job” or as big as creating a visual reminder for individuals to keep on their desk. They are beacons of light or “bright spots” that can keep confidence high even on days that are a struggle. I have found celebrating personal success can often be the low hanging fruit to ensuring that confidence is built every single day.
5. Give Authority. One of my mentors always told me " delegate authority, not tasks" Authority is much different than tasks and authority can come in many different forms;   By giving any type of authority to individuals, an instant transfer of confidence takes place because you are showing someone you believe in them. This can be as simple as telling them a decision is theirs to make and you will stand behind them no matter what. 

The concept of Depreciation and compound interest in real life

I love paradoxes.

You know what is the greatest paradox that I find? Our entire educational system is geared towards giving us skills to earn money, without ever teaching us about money.

--- They don't teach us how to save money, how to invest it or how to make money work for us.

---Neither do they teach us about the concept of opportunity cost of idle money nor the relationship between risk and return.

---Nothing is taught about how the equity markets functions or what is the difference between a stock and a bond.

---All of us are working towards earning money for retirement planning. God knows that we are not taught any of that stuff either.

That brings me to the question of the day.

What do I think are the most important concepts everyone should be taught right from childhood?. 

I think there are two financial concepts that everyone should learn. One is the concept of depreciation. Other is the concept of compounding.

Simple words, big ideas. Simple concepts, big outcomes.

First about depreciation. As everyone knows, depreciation is the reduction in value of an asset due to normal usage of the same. It is the cost of 'wear and tear'. Companies love depreciation. It allows them to reduce their profits and pay less tax to the government. And this can be done without paying a single penny as cash outflow. 

No cash outflow, claim expense, reduce tax. Great, isn't it?

Not so much if you are a salaried employee. As a salaried employee, in Kenya, as in most other countries, you cannot claim depreciation on your assets. That doesn't mean that you are immune from the effect of depreciation. Remember that glamorous, sexy Toyota Car that you had purchased off the shelf from the Toyota Dealer? The moment the ownership changed hands, even without you so much as driving it out of the proverbial 'Gate of the Dealer', the car has lost about a fifth of its value. If you pay USD. 7,000 today and want to sell it tomorrow, you will be happy if you can get USD. 6,000 for that vehicle. Just the notional change of ownership has reduced the value of the vehicle. That is the pernicious impact of depreciation.

How can you escape this impact? Buy used car. If you wait till January to buy a used car purchased in September of the previous year, you will be able to buy a three months old used car at almost 4/5th of Ex-Show Room Price. You are not losing anything. You are getting an almost brand new car and the previous owner is paying for the depreciation. 

If the previous owner is a business man, he will be happy to conclude this transaction. He can claim both depreciation and the loss as expenses and pay lower tax on his lower profits.

That is smartness. Both from you and the business man...

The awareness about depreciation also teaches us that there are some assets, land being the most extensively quoted, that do not depreciate in value. In fact they do appreciate in value. So is the case with shares of good companies purchased at fair value. Their prices tend to appreciate over a period of time.

Purchasing assets that will appreciate in value is called Investing. Buying assets that will depreciate in value is called Expenditure.

So lesson one, if you have money and want to buy assets, make sure to buy those which will appreciate in value. Buy Investment assets. In case you want to buy depreciating assets, make sure that someone else pays for the initial depreciation. 

The second concept is the power of compounding.

They teach us compounding during our school days, of course, they do. Who can forget all those complicated formulae about compound interests and geometric progressions that we were asked to (nay, forced to) learn during those childhood days? We are finally out of it, now that we are adults, aren't we?. Compound interest is for kids, not for salaried employees like us, correct?

Not so fast, mister. Not so fast....

Compounding impacts every one. In that sense it is an 'Equal Opportunity Cost' employer. Compounding is the reason why small, innocuous amount of money, smartly invested consistently over a period of time, end up as huge values. As you keep on investing small amounts of money regularly, that money is silently, unobtrusively working to create more money for you. 

That is compounding. 

The value explosion has nothing to do with the amount you invest. Value explosion is due to the rate at which money creates new money every day, every hour, every minute, every second.....

That rate at which money explodes is the rate of compounding. Technically it is called CAGR (Compounded Annual Growth Rate).

Power of compounding also means that earlier you start investing (purchasing assets that will appreciate in value), more are the benefits of compounding. 

Power of compounding is what increased the amount of USD. 10, 000 invested in 1980 to become almost USD. 20,000,000 in 2015.

There is another hidden insight to compounding. It is Investment Acceleration. In some sense it is like acceleration in a car. 

What does acceleration do in a car? Progressively it reduces the time taken to cover the same distance. Initially you cover 10 Kilometers in about 7 minutes. As you accelerate, you cover 13 Kilometers in the next 7 minutes and 17 Kilometers in the next 7 minutes and so on. As a corollary, an accelerating vehicle will cover same distance in progressively lower time.

(Don't do this on the highway. This is a mathematical illustration).

Compounding is a risk less investment acceleration. Let us say that you buy a share at Ksh. 50 . If the share price touches 55, you would have got 10% return on your investment. Which means a 10% appreciation in share price leads to 10% of return on investment.

Now assume that the share price has touched Kshs. 100. At this price, a 10% appreciation in share price (from 100 to 110) is equivalent to 20% (10/50) return on your original investment. If the share price touches 200, you just need the share price to go up by 2.5% for you to achieve 10% return on your investment.

Can you see the investment accelerating?. Same percentage appreciation in price, multiple percentage appreciation in your return on investment. This is compounding.

Best of all, this acceleration is never ending, unlike acceleration in a car.

Do they teach these in schools? No, of course not. Even if they teach compounding it is to show us in the receiving end. An example question on compounding will look like this.

'Mr.Ram borrows Ksh. 100, 000 from a bank at an annual interest of 10% with a promise to pay back the principal and accumulated interest at the end of five years. How much will Mr.Ram pay to the bank at the end of five years:

a. If the interest is calculated as simple interest.?

b. If the interest is calculated as compound interest? '

As you can see, in this question Mr.Ram (you and me) is always a borrower who has to pay back principal and accumulated interest to the bank. Mr.Ram is never an investor. As per the questions asked in the school, Mr.Ram always is at the receiving end of compounding. He is never the beneficiary of compounding.

Instead of the above question, the school could ask a question like this. Both the questions evaluate the same concept, vis. compounding.

'Mr.Nilekeni purchased 100 shares of Infosys at Ksh.100 in the year 1994. By 2014, the number of shares had increased to 1000 and the share was trading at Kshs.1000.

a. Calculate the CAGR on Mr.Nilekeni's investment.

b. If in 1994, Mr.Nilekeni had invested Kshs. 10,000 in a Bank deposit at 10% interest rate, compounded for 20 years, what would be the value of Mr.Nilekini's deposit in 2014.

c. Based on the answer to a. and b. above, if you were Mr.Nilekeni in 1994, where would you invest your money? What are the factors that you would consider? 

This question teaches a lot. It teaches the benefits of investing, multiple options of investing and the benefits of investing for the long term. It also forces the student to consider the risks associated with various investment options.

Now , that is education.

So there. 'Depreciation' and 'Compounding' are the two topics about money that every individual should learn in school. 

 It will help reap 'compounded' rewards.