How to successfully limit your career growth

"You worked at the Company for almost 5 years,” a former colleague said. “Is there anything you wish you could go back and do over?"

Looking back I don't really regret the strategic errors, or poor tactical decisions, or career missteps. I made plenty of those; In fact, I limited my career growth to a greater extent. I certainly regretted those mistakes at the time... but today, nah, not really. At least I learned from most of them.

My real regrets are things I didn't say to people I worked with, employees who reported to me, and to at least one person I worked for. Those are the moments I'd like to have back because had I spoken I could have made a difference, however small, in some other peoples' lives. (Apologizing years later, which I have done, is nice -- but it doesn't have nearly the same impact.)

So don't look back with regret. Say these things now. And don't say you're too busy. They won't take long; for maximum impact the y shouldn’t take long. Say what you need to say and then go out on a high. I promise it will be time extremely well spent:

“I'm sorry I didn't...”

We’ve all screwed up, and there are things we need to apologize for: Words, Actions, and Omissions. Failing to step up, or step in, or simply be supportive.

So say you're sorry. And don't follow up your apology with a disclaimer like, “But I was really upset...” or, “I thought you were...” or any statement that in any way places even the tiniest amount of blame back on the other person.

Say you're sorry, say why you're sorry, and take all the blame. No less, no more.

“That was great how you...”

No one receives enough praise. No one.

I failed to tell countless people how well they performed, how awesome they were...

Simply pick someone who did something well and praise them. And feel free to go back in time. Saying, “I was just thinking about how you handled that assignment last year...” can make just as positive an impact today as it would have then. (Maybe a little more impact; because it shows that a year later you still remember what they did.)

Also feel free to go outside your functional area: unexpected praise is a gift that costs nothing yet it’s priceless to the recipient!

“Can you help me...?”

One of my biggest regrets is not asking a fellow supervisor for help. I was given the lead on a project he really wanted to control. To his credit he swallowed his pride (he was senior to me both in tenure and perceived status) and told me he would be happy to help in any way he could.

Even though I could tell he really wanted to help, I never asked: I decided to show people I could handle the project alone. I allowed my ego to be more important than his feelings.

Asking someone for help implicitly recognizes their skills and value. Saying, “Can you help me?” is the same as saying, “You are great at that.”

And here is a practical bonus: You actually get help from the best.

“Can I help you...?” Then flip it around. In some organizations asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness. Many people naturally hesitate to ask. But everyone needs help.

Don't just say, “Is there anything I can help you with?” Most people will automatically say, “No, I'm all right.” Be specific. Say, “I've got a few minutes... can I help you finish (that)?”

Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous.

And then actually roll up your sleeves and help.

“I'm sorry I let you down.” I was assigned to lead an assignment in a different department. It was the kind I definitely didn't want. So I let it slide. I let other people take up my slack while I focused on projects I was more interested in (and, to be honest, were higher profile.)

My manager had stuck his neck out to get me the project so I could get broader exposure but I, well, I didn't care. Eventually he said, “Everyone knows you're really busy, so they've decided to handle it themselves.”

I felt bad, but I never said, “I know you went out on a limb to help me and boost my career, and I'm really sorry I let you down. I promise it will never happen again.” That one statement would have chased a very large elephant from the room.

The biggest elephants are emotional elephants. Make it up to you, not other people to chase them away.

Kenya: The Mass-action economy!

Our current law is quite liberal in matters mass action and so there is little room for hang-ups. But that is not the main thing. The question should be when shall we be able to see genuine wholesome development if at every turn we only talk about strikes, boycotts and mass action!!

Today it is the teachers — you can be sure unless things will have changed, close to the time of national exams they will be at it again. Tomorrow it will be university lecturers then the doctors, the nurses, the political class and probably even the police may consider applying a go-slow to ask for their rights.

There is an old Kiswahili saying that loosely translated comes to something like: “When two bulls fight, it is the grass below them that suffers most.”

Bull One: Trade Unions;

Whatever else about trade unions, they are a great blessing to workers because they are allowed by law to fight for the rights and privileges of such workers.

One would hope that they also pay attention to the obligations that those same workers have towards their employer and in the case of service providers like teachers, lecturers, doctors and the like to their immediate clients. When it comes to fighting for those rights, the unions are indeed a most vicious bull.

Bull Two: The employer;

In the case of the provision of services that are paid for by the state it’s the government and other state organs. We have all seen what has been happening in Kenya in the last two weeks. Pupils who go to public schools did not attend class as the unions, the government, the TSC and the remuneration commission kept arguing about rights and privileges and how capable or otherwise the government is to pay. As the fight went on for the two weeks, the real sufferers were the pupils and their parents.

The Economy

One would of course be right to imagine that the children of the unionists and government officers do not go to public schools such as the affected ones but that is an argument for another day. For now it is gratifying to see that after the intervention of the industrial court the teachers will now report to work today. Whichever way the arbitration by the court goes, the question still remains as to how sustainable the current situation is going to be considering the economy.

Of course our current law is quite liberal in these matters and so there is little room for inhibitions. But that is not the main thing. The question should be when shall we be able to see genuine wholesome development if at every turn we only talk about strikes and boycotts.

Today it is the teachers — you can be sure unless things will have changed, close to the time of national exams they will be at it again. Tomorrow it will be university lecturers then the doctors the nurses and probably even the police may consider applying a go-slow to ask for their rights.

Time has come when all stakeholders both public and private must come together to evaluate the current state of affairs and then come up with a policy that will provide a guideline as to how remuneration and productivity must be managed; if only for sustainable growth of the economy.

Government has an obligation to organize such a forum and the sooner the better.

How to survive rush hour

This situation is all too familiar to a lot of people; in our 24/7 culture overworking has become a way of life for many of us. You've only been back from leave for a week and on your PC are tabs upon tabs of emails, documents, and spread sheets. The emails you should’ve responded to days ago remain unanswered, the documents you were supposed to proofread remain riddled with grammatical errors, and the spread sheets lack critical updates. The panic sets in and you start to rush.

 However, rushing around will backfire – you and your team will become stressed and the quality of your work will suffer. Here are 6 tactics to help you finally stop rushing and ultimately be more productive at work:

1. Stop saying yes and start pushing back

It’s all too tempting to take on new projects or accept invites to unnecessary meetings, especially if you want to prove yourself. If this sounds like you, you must force yourself to take a step back and focus your energy into those activities which will deliver the most value for your career and for the business. Do you really need to go to that meeting or would your time be put to better use elsewhere?

2. Make prioritising a priority

At the beginning of each week and each day, write your to do list and concentrate on those tasks which will deliver the most value. Make a habit of blocking out time in your diary to get essential tasks completed. Stick to the timings you have allocated and you will feel calmer in the knowledge that, even if you are not due to action a task instantly, it will get done

3. Be ruthless with distractions

Don’t let valuable time get eaten up with distractions. Focus on one thing at a time. If necessary, shut down your emails and turn your phone off. Make sure you are tough when dealing with interruptions. Firmly tell your colleague who stops by your desk on the way to the coffee machine for a quick chat, that you are too busy.

4. Make every second count

Write a five-minute list – producing a list of low intensity tasks will enable you to make productive use of that spare five minutes before a meeting starts.

5. Don’t be afraid to delegate

You can’t do everything, sometimes you just need to let go of the control and trust others. Review your to do list and ask yourself ‘does this have to be done by me?’ Could you delegate the task to another member of your team? Don’t be afraid to delegate, your colleagues will most likely be pleased at the opportunity to develop their skills, whilst you save yourself valuable time.

6. Take breaks and get plenty of sleep

Try setting an alarm on your phone to remind you to get out of the office. Force yourself to take a break and get some fresh air – when you return you will feel refreshed and ultimately in a more productive and focused frame of mind. The same goes for sleep – get a full eight hours and you’ll arrive at work feeling invigorated and ready to take on the day.

Solve your problems with a smile

Relationships are difficult to manage, depending on how deep or distant the relationship is. The closer people get, the deeper the relationship gets. The deeper it gets, the more personal and more fulfilling it gets. The more personal it gets, the more problematic it gets.
 When conflicts arise in relationships, it is easy to give undeserved attention to the problem than to seeking solutions. Every relational problem can be resolved if the people involved are committed to finding solutions swiftly before problems fester. Problem resolution becomes hopeless when one is committed to punishing themselves or the person at fault. Here is a 5-step problem resolution process
 (1) Admit it. Quickly acknowledge that there is a problem between you.
 (2) Face it. Quickly sit down and face the problem head-on together. Avoiding problems wont make them go away; it complicates them
 (3) Confess it; don’t blame. Even if the other person is 99% guilty, choose to be the mature one and be the first to confess your 1%.
 (4) Value it. Just because there is a problem doesn’t mean the relationship must be dissolved and the person banished.
 (5) Laugh at it. If you overthink and overanalyze the problem you may end up overcorrecting it. Lighten up. There is no sanctity in seriousness. Laugh your way to a better relationship

Ejaculation etiquette: How to keep your girlfriend happy

Ejaculation etiquette is one of the most important things in life, seriously. Women are really lucky when it comes to having an orgasm and not having to deal with a mess afterwards; whereas men will always know that after an orgasm, no matter how amazing it was or not, there will be a mess waiting to be cleaned up.
Following ejaculation etiquette is crucial in keeping your girlfriend, sexual partner or wife happy. And if they’re happy, it simply means you’ll have more opportunities to keep on practicing your etiquette rules in the future! *wink*
No one wants to deal with awkward and gross post-sex cleanups – it just takes away from the beautiful bits of making love to someone. The ejaculation etiquette plan will help you plan ahead: where it goes, where it doesn’t go, how you should clean up and how it will be disposed of.
Ultimately, it will depend on your partner’s and your own likes and dislikes when it comes to climatic fluids. What you do with it will be determined by your comfort level.
TIP 1: Don’t lie about it
If you’re having sex without a condom, hopefully with someone you know won’t give you a STI and knows the potential pregnancy situation, ejaculating in her will leave very little cleanup for you. However, if you both had agreed to ejaculate outside of her, don’t lie and let it rip inside of her. That’s just rude.
TIP 2: The condom is your responsibility
Don’t ever ask her to take a used condom off for you. Take responsibility. Tie the end off and place it in the garbage.
TIP 3: Never hold her head
Oral sex is definitely more complex when it comes to etiquette. It’s nice to let her know in advance when to expect your climatic fluids so your partner can prepare. If your partner is not mentally prepared, you will most likely be dealing with them struggling to hold back their gagging reflexes. Never hold your partner’s head, forcing them to swallow. That’s the best way to never get head ever again – like ever ever!!
TIP 4: Don’t rub it all over the place
So both of you have agreed that it’s ok for you to ejaculate on her body. Great, but don’t rub it in all over afterwards. It’s not cocoa butter. Who’s wants to feel squishiness and sliminess between your bodies?
TIP 5: On the face doesn’t mean in her eyes or hair
Again, with permission, you are ejaculating on her face. No matter how kinky your partner may be, no one needs your climatic fluids in the eyes or hair. It is just gross!!
Have some manners!! 😈😈

Happiness is an inside job!

Want to be happier? I have good news and bad news. First, the bad news:
Research shows that approximately 33-50% of your level of happiness is hereditary. Your genes dictate your “happiness set point.”
Now, the good news. According to psychologists, 10% of your happiness is due to life circumstances and 40% is the result of your own choices and personal outlook: your career, your relationships, your friends, your activities, your level of health and fitness…
So even if you have a relatively low happiness set point, you still have significant control over how happy you feel. The key is to exercise that control by making choices and developing habits that make you happier.
Easier said than done?
Actually, no:
Surround yourself with positive people.
Like they say, we’re the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Spend time with negative people and your outlook will become more negative. Spend time with a chronic devil’s advocate and your attitude will go all to hell. .
Good friends encourage you, support you, and lift you up when you’re down. They see the best in you, and that helps you see the best in yourself. (That’s also true for our co-workers, and is why it's so important to have great colleagues at work. It's not just that we spend a lot of time with them, we essentially become them.
You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Choose people who make your life better – and happier.
See perfection as the enemy of happiness.
Your career doesn’t have to be perfect before you can be happy. Your marriage doesn’t have to be perfect before you can be happy. Your kids, your home, your car, your clothes… nothing has to be perfect.
And that’s a good thing because nothing can ever be perfect. Setting a bar you’ll never reach only ensures you’ll never be satisfied, fulfilled, or happy.
Instead think about what you already have. Think about what you’ve already accomplished. See where you are today not in terms of where you think you should be…. but as a great platform for achieving even more.
Then focus on doing well. Focus on doing great. Focus on excellence – not perfection, but excellence.
And know when to smell the roses – because you have a much bigger garden than you let yourself think.
Focus on now, not later.
“What if?” is like kryptonite to happiness. “What if I get fired? What if my business fails? What if something happens to my family? What if....”
“What if?” thinking is great if it results in a plan.
“What if?” thinking that only results in worry and stress and distraction is a waste of time.
If you can’t control tomorrow, don’t worry about tomorrow. Just worry about making today great, because the best way to be happier is to enjoy every moment as it comes.
Compare yourself to yourself, not to other people.
Comparisons are a zero-sum game you will always lose: no matter who you are, there will always be someone smarter, or richer, or more attractive, or more successful. Someone will always have “more.”
(But no one will have what you have.)
So stop comparing yourself to other people and start comparing yourself to yourself. Work to be a better version of you than you were last week, last month, and last year; that way when you look back you’ll love seeing how far you’ve come.
And you’ll feel a lot happier with, and about, yourself.
Do unto others.
“It is better to give than to receive” has a scientific basis: studies show providing social support can be more beneficial to the giver than the receiver.
Not only is helping a person in need gratifying, the act is also an explicit reminder of how comparatively fortunate we are… and that’s a wonderful reminder of how thankful we should be for what we already have.
You can’t control whether other people help you. But you can control whether you help other people – and that means you can control how happy you are, since giving always makes you feel happier.
Live your life.
The most common regret of people that only had a few months to live?
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
What other people think -- especially people who aren’t important in your life -- doesn't matter. What other people – especially people who aren’t important in your life – want you to do doesn't mater.
You have hopes. You have dreams. You have goals. Regardless of what other people might think or say, make the choices that support those hopes and dreams and goals.
Don’t look back and wish you’d done things differently. Decide what you want, decide how you want to live, decide what is best for you, your family, and the people you love… look forward and live your life in the way that supports what you truly want.
Have the courage to be who you are. You’ll be much happier now… and much happier later.

There is Life after Christmas

There is Life after Christmas. The holiday season is the time when many entrepreneurs dig the financial graves in which their projects will fall. Countless potential billionaires spend more than they earn
The financial decisions you make this holiday season will impact your investments in the coming year. Don't be deceived by the Holiday spending fever. Celebrate but do it sensibly knowing that there is life after the holidays. Don't just buy things because they're on sale. If you didn't plan for it simply don't buy it.
 Use that extra income from bonuses to make a head-start of the new year. Pay off your debts, pay tuition or rent in advance or save for that future project
"The wise man saves for the future but the foolish man spends whatever he gets." Proverbs 21:20.